Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Last night I dreamt that I got married. It wasn't a legal or religious marriage, just a commitment ceremony. It was in a large arts and crafts style dining room with long tables, high ceilings with beams, large windows, a long bar, and a big fireplace. My dream-self chose a nice location.

In the beginning of the dream my dress was white, and I was circulating among the guests before the ceremony. I overheard some of the older members of the groom's family complaining that they'd come all this way and it wasn't even a real marriage. This made me feel sad, and as I continued walking around my dress turned black. (It was a very beautiful black dress, though.) I thought about how committing to someone for life is, in spite of what anyone calls it, a big deal. And sure it's potentially very rewarding and fulfilling, but it's no longer just you, and that's scary. It's a kind of death, and I didn't feel these people fully appreciated that.

The time for the ceremony approached and I did not see the groom. I knew (in the dream) who he was, who I was looking for, but I couldn't find him. Since we were both reticent about marriage in general, I feared that he'd changed his mind-- but I forgave him for this, because it is a big deal.

But as I approached the room's central aisle, he was there, with a smile on his face and his hands out. And now my dream turns all Spike Lee for a moment because I came to him in a double-dolly shot. I held his hand. We followed the Mistress of Ceremonies down the central aisle toward the place we would sit during the wedding feast. She gave us a large gold chalice to drink from, and we drank.

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