In a dream last night, I was ushered up a series of long and narrow staircases made of brown wood. They stopped and turned in switchbacks like those in a cheap apartment complex and by the time I reached the top there were holes in each floor I had to jump up and pull myself through. I was extremely high up and had a nauseous, sinking feeling. There was a red carpet and lines of women in furs and men in tuxedos, many of whom were my Composition I students from when I taught in New York. I walked into the theater where everyone was sitting and the lights dimmed. First, there was a teaser trailer for an unnamed movie that was just a loop of a moth flying out of a garbage can in a dark alley, and then a negative of that same image. Famed voice-over dramatist Don LeFontaine said: "Moths are a super cool dead animal thing...and thing." The movie started, and what was being shown was called "The Laurel and Hardy Movie." It was just a montage of explosions, people in Victorian garb falling down, and home video recordings of people on roller coasters screaming. It was only a few minutes long, and afterwards I left the theater laughing.
I woke up and realized I was laughing. My face hurt.
But I feel back asleep and dreamed I was in my neighbor's house where I used to hang out in the forest. I came in through the darkened woods and it was a different friend's house inside with a small staircase that led down to a big open TV room with a wraparound couch that covered 3 of the 4 walls. My grandfather, who passed away two summers ago, sat in his trademark cardigan smirking at me. I looked down and the professional wrestler Rey Mysterio, a luchadore in a colorful mask, was grabbing ahold of my leg and laying on the ground. I looked up at my grandfather and he smiled. I was hit with this overwhelming feeling of satisfaction, like he was happy that most of the possessions I had been given from him my grandmother were mine to do with what I pleased, and that only the memory of family matters, not the fact that I sold a lot of his clothes and coins to pay my rent. He told me, "you can't have everything you want, unless you want it."